Self-Discipline = Self-Love
Tonight I met a most powerful spirit in the human form. She introduced herself as, “people refer to me as FireHeart.” Highly approachable and extremely humble, this woman could not be better timed in my life.
When I finally arrived after a long night of grinding the rideshare economy, I signed up for her newsletter and her website offered me a free training. While this is commonplace among speakers, coaches, and trainers, I was ripe for grounding and touching in on the most important message in my current moment.
[I’m not going to go into the content of her video… you should sign up and get it for yourself: https://chrystalkubis.com/]
In the experience I had, with the help of Chrystal’s guidance, brought me front and center to the lineage of men in my life and their example of being disciplined human beings in there respective communities, companies, groups, tribes, teams, and families.
First, my Grandaddy and Grandpa showed up, front and center. They were both real estate brokers by the time I was coherent as a young boy and could identify something of what that meant in the broader story of a community. Each of them volunteered their time and were beloved by the people they knew. Unfortunately, I learned the ladder part at their funerals.
Real estate is a self-drive kind of business venture. You are as successful as you make yourself. There isn’t likely anyone who is plugging you into a system, and if they are its the day to day steps that make the difference between one agent who moves inventory and another who complains about how unlucky they get.
But beyond that, I remember each of my forefathers were playful. My grandpa would sit down to the Atari with me and my brothers and play the games we would spend hours to master. [Not even kidding, I held the world record in Pitfall for 2 weeks in 1983.] And my Grandaddy would sing Italian songs or gift us dollar bills or hide the Easter eggs.
They were gifted men who completed the tasks necessary to get the job done.. whatever the job is/was/will be.
Come down the tree a step and there is my Pop! This guy is the definition of what it means to be disciplined. These days, he has learned to work the edges a little bit, but my Dad has been a perfect example of exactly the stuff I need in my day to day life. Lists of action steps and following through till the job is complete, that’s what I know about how he works. Its not fancy or creative at all… its a mulish grind, in my opinion.
I resist following patterns like this every day! My lists used to be on single sheets of paper… now they are in a multitude of notebooks and Mead pads. Both yellow and white pads. I’ve got receipts in the console of my car, some tucked away in the dining room, and others are lost in some file folder in an attempt to organize it all and someday determine order in my life.
Fuck… even today my accountant said these words: “If you are going to put everything into a payables account then use this, but if you are only going to do some then don’t use that strategy.” My translation was this: “I will not be the kind of person to stick to one accounting strategy if it is me who will be doing all the bookkeeping.” The result is me hiring a bookkeeper.
I’m lacking discipline in almost every area of my life and it depresses me without end. The most crushing thing is this… I believe I have important information and insight to offer my community, my companies, my family, etc… but everyone loses because I lack this necessary trait in myself.
Its not that I can’t. I have. I just don’t trust myself to do it alone. And I certainly cannot breed it into others. I work best with those who bring their own discipline to the table. My wife is a great example. Steve Linton from Deltec Homes is a great example. Craig McAnsh of Native Marketing is a great example. In fact, Craig is probably the most significant example of a disciplined creative all in a single human being. He owns two companies, runs an AirBnB, and is now the Marketing Director at Sylvan Sport.
This writing even has no discipline. Its me ranting about myself… but the point shouldn’t be lost. I have something to contribute and if I spend these 40 days writing and the only message I get across is what that contribution actually is… then it will be worth the effort.
(in this moment, I am resisting an urge to speak boldly and make large claims about how committed to something specific I am. but that’s not this episode. this episode is a deep dive into what’s real and present in this moment.)
I am sad at how little I am caring for myself and ashamed at how much that let’s down the people I care the most about. If there is anyone I would want to receive my deepest apology it is my wife. Every attempt I am making is intended to right this ship so that she can focus on more important things than bringing home the bread, and the kale, and the dogfood.
This is the most uncomfortable writing I have written with the intent to publish. No one is making me do this but my own disciplined commitment to write every day for 40 days. I’m throwing myself in front of the bus because I am kicking and screaming with resistance. I have no safety net and I am burning all the bridges. Whatever I have to do to remain steady on one commitment, I absolutely must do it. For the sake of my people, yes. But I am selfish, motivation for other has NEVER been enough for me. So, fuck me, do it for myself! Let my people be lifted by my wake!
I don’t know how else to do it.
Going HAM!
Pressing that publish button before I stop myself to protect what illusion of a reputation I might have. Flush that shit down the toilet right now. Destroy my reputation!
[How you like them apples, Guy?]
